The tools of my box

Update.

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 09:19:25 -0400

Right.. an update so things with that girl kinda..flopped? but not really.. I’m not even sure if a relationship is what I wanted outta it but everythings good now were really great friends even though I’m in Ireland and she’s on holiday somewhere for 2 weeks. Which makes me miss her as a friend as it probably should be. We still talk alll the time which is great and she’s crazy supportive, like the big sister I never had but I’m thankful. I love her like a big sis as well <3

Now.. there happens to be a boy here.. hmm I don’t want to drop names so.. lets call him Panda.. so he makes me ridiculously happy, I get butterflies everytime I see him or everytime he texts me and its crazy.. He knows I like him and I know he likes me we’ve even gone out and kissed. But the thing is again he lives here.. In Belfast.. 3,000+ miles away from me… and I only see him 2 months outta the whole fucking year.. and ugh I dunno he makes it really hard for me to have to leave cause he helps me forget a lotta things and I just DON’T want to leave but I have too I have school to finish and my dad’s back there and friends and everything.. I think I’ve screwed myself over.. royally..

I don’t know what to do.

Fuck.

I’m going to try to work something out… hopefully.

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Fri, 10 Jun 2011 12:41:16 -0400

Wow.. haven't been on this account in forever

Thu, 09 Jun 2011 17:42:48 -0400

Things are slowly brightening up though. Which is good I don’t want to say I’ve found someone new, but I have found someone and she makes me very happy. I don’t know if it’ll go anywhere but I’m not even sure if I’m ready. I’m just happy where we stand right now to be honest.

It would be great if I could call her my girlfriend but she also lives 40 minutes away and its kinda hard to see her plus she’s 2 years older not that I have an issue just that she’s in University so it again makes it hard for me to see her. But I’m not complaining if we stay really good close friends I’ll still be happy.

I’m also leaving for Ireland in 13 days so I think this trip will be good for me, clear my head up of things and I’ll get to see my family and friends again <3 I miss my little cousin Andrew the most <3 and I also came out to him.. he was shocked to say the least but still loves me which is all I need and for him to make me pee myself laughing!

Just gotta get through exams and I’m “home free” so to speak

fuckyeahtattoos: russ abbott (carlovely)

Thu, 09 Jun 2011 17:33:16 -0400

fuckyeahtattoos:

russ abbott

(carlovely)

I need to stay strong.

Sun, 22 May 2011 23:18:39 -0400

I promised myself I'd go back. And I will.

Sun, 22 May 2011 23:14:55 -0400

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Fri, 29 Apr 2011 22:08:59 -0400

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Fri, 29 Apr 2011 22:07:37 -0400

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Wed, 13 Apr 2011 22:57:29 -0400

originallyorganic: Zombieland <3

Wed, 13 Apr 2011 22:56:08 -0400

originallyorganic:

Zombieland <3

I'm sorry.

Wed, 13 Apr 2011 22:37:21 -0400

Remember when you were my boat and I was your sea?

Thu, 24 Mar 2011 18:10:43 -0400

Together we’d float so delicately.

but that was back when we could talk,about anything.

Call me a name, kill me with words, forget about me it's what I deserve

Thu, 24 Mar 2011 17:58:41 -0400

I'm sorry I can't do it.

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 18:34:35 -0400

I can’t take this ring off.. it holds all my memories of what we had.. it means far to much to me, and I’m sorry if it bothers you but I just can’t do it..

my counselor told me that her mother had passed away many years ago and her father still wears his wedding ring.. and I feel like thats what I’m going to do.. it just fits so well..It feels so right I just can’t bear to part with it at all.. It’s made a grove in my finger so my hand feels so damn bare without it..

It’s honestly something I’ll cherish and love forever ..

I’m sorry.

I'm sorry I can't do it.

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 18:34:16 -0400

I can’t take this ring off.. it holds all my memories of what we had.. it means far to much to me, and I’m sorry if it bothers you but I just can’t do it..

It’s honestly something I’ll cherish and love forever ..

I’m sorry.

Baby, don’t yell, You’re tearing a hole right through the walls of everything we used to know, I’m building a place, something amazing, Just for the sake of saving us, From under the sun, Two plastic hearts with nowhere to run, We’re rolling the dice on whatever’s left, ‘cause God only knows that we could use the rest…

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 17:10:08 -0400

I guess all I can do is move on..

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 17:05:24 -0400

I know I have too but just knowing I’m part of your past now..hurts.. that someone else makes you happy..I should be happy for you and I do want to be.. but right now I just can’t.. seeing facebook status’ and posts that I know are for her cut me deeper.. I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I’ll never be your baby again.. And I’m trying to hold up a strong act around people, I am but sometimes it feels like you’re pouring salt into a fresh wound making it impossible to heal..

And these knots in my stomach won’t leave, I guess I’m used to them by now.. trying to push you out of my mind, trying to loose these feelings isn’t working.. eventually I’ll accept it. I’ll just never stop loving you.. It’d be impossible.

My counselor says we may find each other again in time.. Is it sad that I’m holding onto that? maybe it is.. but it’s all I can do right now.

I’m always told to fight for what you love and then if you love them let them go

So I guess I’m letting you go..

and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do & is tearing me apart slowly.. but I don’t want you to be miserable which I seem to be making you..

so good luck and have fun.

~~I still love you with everything I’ve got.~~

Guess who isn't sleeping tonight? Or even eating?

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:06:53 -0400

This girl.

I can feel myself dying from the inside out..

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:02:04 -0400

And surprisingly.. it’s not that bad.

I mean it’s worse than hell..

but it’s better than I thought it would be.

lovequotesrus: Photo Courtesy: tuesbelle

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 19:21:48 -0400

lovequotesrus:

Photo Courtesy: tuesbelle